fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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