I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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