How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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