I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
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