Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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