thus making me awesome and them whores
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
