Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize