Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
you never un-have a 4some
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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