Nicole vs. Life
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
