how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
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I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
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Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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