i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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