So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
