SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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