you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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