The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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