i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
im about as happy as oj after his trial
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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