I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
