i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
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There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
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I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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