I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
