It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
