who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
