i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
