I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
