her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
