saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
