at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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