This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm both gender and math confused
Help. Why am I so naked?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
