Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
