Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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