look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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