Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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