I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
