Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
