I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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