are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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