I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
