he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
