he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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