we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
