I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
