I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
