i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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