Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
