I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
