You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
