69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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