Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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