Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
