I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
