I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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