i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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