So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
