Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
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I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
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Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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