Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
