sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
