It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize