im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
