After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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