if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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