Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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