is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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