so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
this is an emotional support booty call
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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