I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
the day after is always just damage control
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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