Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
