Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
