is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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