dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I need water and some morals
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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