Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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