It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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