too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
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