Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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