Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
