lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
